To be honest, I have never regarded the ‘sex’ I have on set as sex. It’s all strange, unnatural positions and uncomfortable office desks and reverse cowgirl (seriously; who has actually done that off camera?). I’m constantly told how great my job is because Of all of the hot guys I get to be fucked by. It’s just not the same! for a start, those really hot guys are being paid to screw me. There are very rarely any emotions involved. I’m sorry, but that’s just the fact of the matter.
That’s not to say i don’t have fun on set. Hell, I love it! For me, there is nothing quite like being in front of a camera with lights everywhere, surrounded by great people. My job is great, but not because of the sex. It’s great because I have met the most amazing people i know through it.
Now, back to sex. Sex for me, is at it’s best when it’s with somebody I really do have a connection with. I’ve never been one for hook ups and one night stands. they make me feel awkward. What would be great is if i could get every guy I invite back to fill out a questionnaire. Just so I know what they’re into etc. I hate having to guess. it makes me feel super nervous. So yeah, questionnaires. definitely.
Maybe I was a panda in a previous life. They are useless when it comes to sex, much like me. I tend to be all like “Erm so should I get naked now?”
Then there’s socks. There is genuinely no sexy way to remove socks. so how do you go about doing it? Do you stop everything and take them off, or do you try and subtly remove them while the other guy isn’t looking? The same applies to skinny jeans, only you really can’t try and do that on the quiet. the only hope you have is the prospect of not falling over or getting stuck!
So now, I’ve finally got all of my clothes off and the other guy hasn’t run away. Great! What next? I am that person that always talks a little too much and always says the most inappropriate things, like “So yeah, I think the operation went really well, what do you think?” No matter how funny you think that will be to say, don’t say it!
All of the things above come no where close to my biggest fear when it comes to sex. it’s not during, or just before, but afterwards. I don’t mean straight after, but the dreaded morning after. When is it appropriate to leave. you don’t want to jump out of bed and put on your skinny jeans and socks (and the other less awkward clothes) and leave do you? that would be rude, but you don’t want to over stay your welcome and more or less move in either.
“What was his name again? oh he doesn’t know mine either. thank god” is not a good thing to be thinking as you wake up. I need my morning coffee at the best of times. can I just go ahead and make one? probably a bad idea, I’ll leave that for the movies!