I remember the days leading up to my diagnosis, the pain and feeling of total powerlessness as I went through seroconversion fully aware of the changes happening in my body. I felt weak, both mentally and physically, unable to do anything to rectify the mistake I had made weeks earlier.
The problem was it wasn’t just one mistake, there had been too many to even count. Mistakes I justified by telling myself it didn’t matter, life wasn’t any different with or without HIV, a few tablets a day wouldn’t change my life.
Let me say this here and now on the recorded… I was a stupid, naive, child!
I’m not saying if I knew then what I know now things would be any different, firstly because I don’t think any amount of knowledge or understanding can prepare you actually experiencing HIV and all that comes with it. Secondly I was in a very bad place mentally at the time, I was heavily using intravenous drugs to escape my own head and most of the time during this period lost the capability of rational thought.
I have come a long way in the last few months and as I approached the 6th month anniversary of my diagnosis I finally started to come to terms with what will be the rest of my life.
I guess I felt writing this all down would aid this process… So thanks for paying attention.
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